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Golf every Monday arvo - see Home Page

Picture
Anxious moments on the green at Boomerang Farm
PictureRay Jowett and Jim Liparts
GOF (Grumpy Old Fart) GOLF

Golf is a game full of strange fickle tricks
And players use clubs that look much like sticks
Pull ’em out of a bag and wave ’em about
Take a swing, hit the ball and “fore” they shout

Some folk like to fit in a round every day
But do they get better? I really can’t say.
One thing’s for certain, as a game it’s damn tough
If you don’t play enough, you end up in the rough

It’s great when you hit ’em straight and far
Even better when you score a very rare par
But swing a clunker and you can drop a dunker
Or bogey a shot from the dreaded sand bunker

Now settle down tree huggers, don’t get cross
Just ’cos Jimmy skited he hit an albatross
Our terms include birdies, and a much-desired eagle
To find his lost balls, Mick often resorts to a beagle

Hole in one! Bloody hell, I’d settle for eight!
Step up, address the ball don’t hesitate
Straight down the fairway, that’d be nice
Shit, damn and poop, I’ve gone and sliced.

Rocker Bon Scott played golf but never did well
He always seemed stuck on the Fairway to Hell
Presidents, too, have tried their hand at the game
but sadly for them the result’s much the same

PictureDean Crerar and Chic Dawson
Golfers gather each night at the nineteenth hole
It’s the place they grow older and bolder
With a few grogs they become kings of the green
And recall shots no-one else seemed to have seen

Men behaving badly and dressed even worse
For golf widows at home, the game is a curse
Or maybe blessing, ah, some personal time
Until he gets home full of beer, whinge and whine

Now two holy prophets were playing a round
And Moses reckoned his advice was sound
“Come on, Lord, use a six for this drive
You’ll never lift it enough if you use that five”

Said his mate “I saw Tiger play a similar shot
A five iron he used, got him out of a spot”
So he swung but not with the care that he oughta
And cursed as it drifted, splash, into the water

He had to go  long way to retrieve the ball
Walked on top of the lake as he did his trawl
“Who’s he think he is? Jesus Christ?” asked a bloke in a hood
Yes he is, said Moses, but he thinks he’s Tiger Woods.

© Ian McDougall May 2012

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  • Blokes Lounge
    • Why a Bloke's Lounge?
    • Vision & values
    • Who's who
    • What the Lounge means to me >
      • IT'S A FUN AND FRIENDLY PLACE - Mick Gannaway
      • Ageing gracefully - Ian Begaud
    • Foundation members
    • VALE
    • GALLERY >
      • 2020
      • 2019
      • 2018 >
        • Rollo's 80th Birthday
      • 2017
      • 2016
      • 2014-15 >
        • XMAS IN JULY
      • 2013-14
      • 2012-13
    • QUOTABLE QUOTES >
      • QUOTES 2019
      • QUOTES 2018
      • QUOTES 2017
      • Quotes 2016
      • Quotes 2015
  • ACTIVITIES & VENUES
    • Activities
    • Interests and skills
  • News/other stuff
    • You and Your Prostate
    • Early detection saves lives
    • 2018 Commonwealth Games
    • Brrm Brrm - Bloke's cars
    • Marathon Man 2
    • SIX BEST DOCTORS
    • Beer blokes
    • Poetry >
      • The Names of the Game
      • THE TOUGHS
      • THE PUFFS
      • GOF Golf
      • TORTOISE TABLE
      • BLOKES ON BIKES
      • Meanderthals
      • Darts for Old Farts
      • TEAM TORTOISE
      • Dehli belly
      • Security Guard
    • On ya bike, Mal!
    • Rollo Meyers Park
    • Marathon Man
    • Vitamin F
    • Mental wellbeing
    • Avoiding midlife crisis
    • Signs of a stroke
    • DARTS >
      • BULLSEYE CLUB
    • FISHING NEWS >
      • Piscatorial ponderings
    • Volunteering
    • Older news >
      • Fishing fees - open letter to MPs
      • Men's Health Week June 15-21
      • Helping the homeless
      • Brewery tour a bottler
      • Probing for members
      • Forging a future
      • GC Snrs Regional Roundtable
      • Bali bombing survivor an inspiration
      • Mental health & older fellas
      • Laughs & Chuckles
      • GC SportinG Hall of Fame
      • Superannuation update
      • Bowel cancer info session
      • Poetry in Paradise
      • Centrelink support for seniors
      • eBooks and library services
      • Aged care session
  • USEFUL STUFF
  • Contact Us
  • Help & advice